Wednesday, you're still not here,not in the morning or later

I'm being super paranoid right now. I think i'm falling back into the old-me cycle. Man i'm super scared. I'm not even sure if the upcoming one week holiday is suppose to be good or bad.

Good, in a sense that i'll have more time to study.
Bad, in a sense that i'll just watch TV all day while worrying about stuff I shouldn't be worrying about.

Man, i need help EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.

Momsie says it's just that i'm negative, not thankful and think about things beforehand,which is surprisingly bad.

I remembered the last time I envied someone was like a month ago. But then today, ohman I was jealous of everything and everyone.

Like that chick in my class who my friend says is perfect - good home, close with family, pretty, athletic. In a split second I hated this chick already. I totally forgot what my mom said about surfaces. It's just the chick's surface,we don't know her real problems.

Ohoh and just 5 minutes ago when I was reading everyones tweets. Instant jealousy on a group of people who look happy.

WHAT IZ WRONG WITH ME?!

ok, i need to start breathing again. seriously, not the old-me cycle again.

On a more positive note though, I'm gonna start reading articles by http://www.nst.com.my all the time now. I usually don't read papers, but hey this could be a good start. My mood totally changed after I read an article a few weeks back.

And I started watching Hot In Cleveland a few weeks ago too, since it's showing repeats all the time. That changed my mood too. I love Joy Scroggs played by Jane Leeves!

EEEH it's gonna be like my kinda-sorta-small-obsession for The Nanny a few years back. Until they changed the channel to something else and stopped showing repeats. Darn.

Monday, i'm waiting

Harharhar. I did a pretty good job at going with the flow this weekend. I still have a long way to go, though. I still mope (?) around when something goes wrong. Even just a tiny,tiny,tiny bit. Working on that!

I have tons of homework. And i'm calm. Someone must be influencing me.

So, i'm sitting next to a quite-good-looking-guy-but-not-up-for-grabs-cos-im-a-good-friend. Might be sitting next to him for the rest of the year if nothing changes. Nervous at first, because i'm not good at communicating with the opposite sex,even if we're just friends. I can't help but feel excited yet guilty yet happy yet worried.

I totally flopped during the first day, but aced today, i hafta admit. Followed my sister's advice, with being calm,and sing in your head all the time, don't think-just do. And especially don't expect anything. And also treat him as a girl [ failed ] friend and not some attractive guy.

I'm very blessed, and I thank God. Whatever that happens tomorrow, if God wills, I'll accept calmly. *hopes so*

One thing about this guy tho, he really is a sweet talker. I cannot tell you how many times has he called me pretty and etc. I hope no one from school reads this e__o

It's official, Crazy Little Thing Called Love iz the best rom-com evaaah. lol jk, but its damn good. Cried,laughed and panicked. I alwayz panics.

P'shone is the dreamiest character ever! And not the typical arrogant and cold guy in most rom-coms. He's perfect yet imperfect.

Best guy ever, hands down.

Just Go With Le Flow.

Hands down is all I can say. Gosh where do I start. It seems that the school has approved my letter stating that I want to move to another class. Cow, i've been told earlier that I should get used to my class, becuase theres no way the teacher's gonna approve and stuff. And when I finally have settled down with my classmates, I'm told I get to move to the 1st class.

Oh man,after all the drama and fitting in, i'm back at square one! I don't even know what to say anymore. Seriously, no. But this is all God's will, and i'm not suppose to complain or regret. So it's best if I stay silent and be thankful.

Everyone kept on saying I look depressed and emo and stuff, and I take everything literally and seriously. Everything you say matters to me. I can't take a chill pill. So my head is always worrying and thinking about something. I wish I can't shut it down and turn it on anytime I want.

Turn it on sounds wrong.

Soooo, since i'm sitting alone in this new class, I hope I can give a good impression to everyone [ eventhough i know most of them ] and I don't wanna look emo and lonely or anything.

Yepp, ze aim is from now on, just go with the flow, put on a blank face and always sing to myself (?) . At least singing in my head is better than worrying over petty things.
I shouldn't have overreacted with the class thing in the first place. It's not like a heaven or hell thing. Just go with the flow~

Like A Fool

credits as to whoever owns this picture ! :D

HOHOHO. HOHOHO indeed. I've finally accepted the fact that i'm in this class. Most probably for 2 years. I won't mind getting ditched or being left out as long as I remember my duty as a student - studying.

Most of the teachers think i'm nervous or worried or something. It's kinda embarassing, seriously stop it teachers.

My mom specifically told me and my sis that we can't watch Korean or Japanese dramas // movies often. BUT SHE FORGOT TO SAY THAI MOVIES. OH YES.

Aaaand, since I was so depressed about school, I forgot totally about my obsession towards Goong.

lol so yesterday my sister's roommate asked her to watch a Thai movie called A Little Thing Called Love // First Love. Me and my sis only got to watch like half of it cos she had to go back to university. Currently downloading it, but theres so many errors ergh why.

The movie,so far, is perfect. Le creys I just love high school love stories. Can't wait for the ending!

It really is that simple

Started school yesterday. Hmm, I have to admit, I was an ungrateful bish yesterday. I still was today from time to time.

So I got into the last class for pure science [ Biology,Physics,Chemistry, Add Maths, Mordern Maths, BM, English, Islamic Studies, History ] . Eventhough the subjects were totally my choice and I fantasize of learning them since ever, the class was not my choice. My class was half pure science and the other half sub science.

Now, imma be honest. I've never been to a low class. I've always been at the top. And I always underestimate and discriminate the ones in the lower class. It never ever even crossed my mind to actually share a class with them or even socializing with them. And it actually did happen.

I had a headache in class, i was sweating, panicking and almost crying. Blaming everyone. Yep especially that. I was stressed out for the whole day!

I cried yesterday. So I talked to my mom, the person in the family with the least emotions. And an hour later it felt dumb for crying over something so petty.This is God's test for me. This is God's fate for me. this is God's punishment for me for badmouthing them. And I was in denial.

And just imagine, in two days. TWO DAYS, I got back the same treatment I always give to the people in the lower class. I felt left out, lost and insulted. And im always, ALWAYS jealous of everyone who seems happy. So yeah envy-spree yesterday. At least now I know how much I am to my bestfriends.

I still don't know what's gonna happen to me. i have no plans on how to react to anything anymore. Which is good. I actually planned on being a happy perky girl on the first day so that I can become class monitor. failed so bad. So yeah, im not gonna plan on my reactions from now on.

Why Has It Taken So Long For Me To Hear It?

I managed to finish 2 amazing dramas in 3 days [ being quarantined doesn't help either ] .

The first one was My Girlfriend Is A Gumiho. Which just blew my mind with the awesome plot on the 1st episode. I tried to watch it early last year, but gave up after 3 episodes. I tried No Min Woo, I tried..
Re-watched it since it was on TV. And seriously, I have no idea why I dropped it back then. The actors were amazing, the OST was superb, and eventhough you can predict the ending, you have no idea HOW is it going to end.

The next drama was Goong. I actually dropped this drama twice. Re-watched it because I accidentally saw it on TV. Found out that it was the same director that did Playful Kiss. And the resemblance between the 2 dramas was quite obvious. The OST is worth buying,seriously. I'm not surprised why it was named the most watched drama of 2006.

In conclusion, I dropped Goong because I was young and not a real romantic, emotional person back then. If I did finish it back then when I was 12, the drama would leave a totally different impact on me. So I'm glad I finished it when i'm 15.
Actually,looking back, I wasn't much of a rom-com fan as I am now. LE RAGING HORMONES i guess.

These photos aren't mine

Joo Ji Hoon is just gorgeous and he's a great actor, forget about his drug scandal everyone!! Even my mom likes him..

Glad he's in KeyEast, promising future. I hope he's gonna be on a drama or movie soon [ i loveeed Antique Bakery ] after his musical.

Perhaps Love

Happy New Yearrr! Fell asleep at 10 yesterday,oh wells what to do,i've been lying around all week and i'm finally cured but then realized I didn't sleep well when I was sick. BUT IT WAS ALL WORTH IT.

I don't really wait for a whole new year to change myself, heck, I change myself anytime I want. I start anew anytime I want.

So when I was sick I felt really grateful to those around me.
When i was sick I had the determination to be happy [ i AM happy, its just my gloomy aura ]
When I was sick, I realized I need to treat everyone equally. LOLZ COS I JUDGE BY LOOKS.
And most importantly, when I was watching Diary Of A Wimpy Kid [ omgah Devon Bostick ], I realized whatever that seems important now, might not be important 10 years later.

Obviously, it wasn't just being sick that made me realize this, it was Korean dramas. too.

I'm not a biiig kdrama fan, i'm just a big kdrama fan, so most of the dramas I watch are Japanese. Refer here >>>http://mydramalist.com/dramalist/nyssyahh

But seriously,the 2 kdramas i watched when i was sick was superb. And the fact that i dropped both dramas before was just...what was i thinking? I dropped Coffee Prince, My Girl, Full House, Witch Yoo Hee, and a lot more.
Which means that the only kdramas that I actually finished was Sungkyunkwan Scandal, Marry Me Mary, BOF and Playful Kiss.

So yeah lesson learnt.